Is that an eggroll... or a chicken select?

I had not cleaned the bathroom until recently.  I was on the counter, wasn't too busy.  A guy covered in paint comes up to me.  He's very shy, or timid, about the subject.  Most people just come up and say "hey your bathroom sucks"
"uhh the uhh bathroom."
"yeah?"
"the uhh toilet" his voice was not very loud.
"pretty bad?"
"looks like it hasn't been cleaned since last night."
weird, it's 2pm already.
I finally get time to check it out...



I go in, its fine, i think. baby changer is down. I put it up.  The toilet seat is up. It all looks fine.
I pull the seat down...OH SHIT
It's caked shit on the sides/top of the seat
meaning someone's asshole was three feet wide.
wtf

I was not able to use that bathroom that day.

So you know the fish stick man?  The guy on the fish stick boxes, Gorton?  Big beard. Burly manly man.
He came into the store the other day.   Guess what he ordered?
A fish filet sammich.